Looking for God
As a child I would often pray to God, even though my family was not religious and did not encourage me to do so. But I learned about him at Sunday school and through church, and it felt good to pray because I was often afraid. When I prayed the things I feared would diminish, and sometimes even go away.
When my mom and sister got sick, I continued to talk to him. But I started to develop this nagging doubt that he didn’t really care, and perhaps wasn’t even real.
Sometimes I would look at the stars and feel a deeper connection with God. That he was listening through them. I remember lying on my back in the snow, staring into the night sky, praying that my mom would heal from her cancer. Sometimes I would just sit quietly watching the sky and clouds, the setting sun, feeling connected to something greater than myself.
But then my mom died, and later also my sister. And finally my dad. And I doubted for real that God cared about me. That he loved me. I had been praying less and less, and now I stopped completely. Maybe I was angry, but mostly I think I felt cold and numb inside. As though I had closed my heart.
Learning About the Goddess: the Divine Mother
But I was still searching. I think I’ve been searching my whole life for something spiritual. One night while on the bus, I read about the Goddess in a book I had bought. I remember reading that people would pray to her, dance for her, worship her. And that she had many names: Isis, Mary, Freya etc. But to me she seemed very distant. Like she belonged to an ancient past, and I didn’t know how to approach her, even though I had a deep longing to do so.
Praying to the Divine Mother – a Spiritual Practice from Belsebuub
When I came across Belsebuub’s courses, I found out about the Divine Mother and Father, that we each have a personal Divine Mother and Father that we can pray to, and that our Divine Mother has the power to remove painful inner states from us if we ask her.
At the time I had experienced life without guidance, without asking God for help. It felt chaotic, like things just kept falling apart, and there wasn’t anything for me to lean on.
I started praying to my Divine Mother, inspired by the way Belsebuub explained how to. She suddenly seemed very personal and relevant, and close to me. Like she was right there beside me. A friend that I could talk to. I had moved to a small apartment in the city, and would go for long walks in the neighborhood and just share things with her, everything that was happening in my life. It felt like I was speaking with a perfect listener. Sometimes I thought I felt her smile, and hold a hand against my back. When I was praying in my apartment, sometimes crying, it seemed like she was hugging me. It was as though I had welcomed sunlight into my life.
This was a whole new way of asking to me. Of connecting with the divine. Before there had always been a sense of fear behind my prayers, that I would have to be good and please God, so that I would be safe.
I didn’t have anyone to guide me otherwise. But finding out about the Divine Mother and Father from Belsebuub’s work, it seemed to me that we each have beautiful loving spiritual parents that are with us every step of the way. And it felt like my Divine Mother was walking beside me. That she wasn’t hiding in the clouds somewhere.
Learning to Feel Love
I feel she was healing my heart so I would be able to feel love and give love to others. And healing my fear that I wasn’t loved by the divine.
Of course, I regularly forgot to pray to her, somehow feeling that I was doing fine on my own, but I always ended up realizing that life was much easier with guidance. With her, I felt I had the strength and courage to face my life.
There were times when I felt her love pretty strongly. Like one evening when I prayed in front of an altar that was dedicated to the Divine Mother. There was no one else in the room at the time, and I just sat there in silence, begging for help. Suddenly I felt enveloped in love and warmth. I broke down in tears and wanted nothing more than to lie down in front of that altar. To lie down at her feet and rest and let my heart break open.
Another time I was traveling abroad to meet a group of friends. I was feeling anxious, and so I prayed to my Divine Mother to remove that anxiety and tried to be close to her.
I wanted to keep her as my center instead of all these thoughts and feelings that made me miserable. It was like I was focusing on love, and the more I focused on it the more it grew.
By the time I arrived at my friends’ place, I felt different. It was as though I was in a different space inside of myself. I remember lying down on the bed in my friends’ apartment, and just watching the curtain in the room, and finding them very beautiful. It was as though everything around me was touched with beauty, with her presence. A rose colored light, it seemed to me.
And there has been many small moments when I’ve felt her love and care for me. Sometimes it even feels like she’s laughing when I’m taking things way too seriously.
Connecting with my Divine Mother has become the most precious part of my life. The one thing that turned my life around. I’m so grateful to have her with me always.
Thanks for sharing Anne Linn. It’s a very powerful story you’ve shared with us — and very inspiring!
Thank you Anne for sharing your story. I really admire your honesty and sincerity, and reading your words reminded me of my up and down relationship with the Divine, the down being purely due to my forgetfulness. I am truly sorry for your losses, but I am also very happy knowing that you have developed such beautiful relationship with your Divine Mother. As Paty others have said already – your story is very inspiring. Thank you.
So beautiful, Anne Linn, such a precious and endearing story about how you found a deep connection with the Divine Mother.
I too am sorry to hear of your losses; that must have been a very difficult time in your life.
It sounds that finding the work of Belsebuub and his guidance on how to ask our Divine Mother for assistance has been like a warm spiritual balm for your heart and essence.
thank you so much for sharing this, it is very touching and also inspiring.
I’m so sorry to hear about all the losses in your life Anne Linn, but how wonderful that you were able to gain strength through connecting with and developing your relationship with your Divine Mother. Sometimes it is in our darkest times that we find what we most need. How very special.
Thank you Eleni for sharing your insights, you inspired and touched me deeply, making me reflect on my life, thank you everyone for sharing.
Anne Linn many times I have doubts about the Divine guidance from my heart, telling me that I’m imagining things, but then life’s situations verify the reality and the truth of this guidance and that helps me to trust it more. I’ve always been protected when I followed it. Asking patiently helps me to see it more clearly.
To lose close family members, people that you love, must been very hard, but the way you approached this very bad reality is a life lesson for me and shows that you have love in you and always have been protected and loved by your Divine Parents.. Your story inspires and gives me much strength, giving me insights about life. Thank you, as others said, for sharing so personal sensitive things with all.
Thank you, Maria. It feels almost magical to feel that guidance, even as I doubt it, and then see it verified through events in life. And yes, looking back I realize that I’ve always felt protected by something unseen. It’s nice to think about.
What a powerful and personal story thank you so much for sharing Anne Linn, it has help to give me a greater insight and the importance into asking for help to my divine parents as sometimes I can tend to forget, Im deeply sorry to hear about your mother and sister and I wish you all the strength spiritually
Thank you, Richard 🙂 And all the strength to you too!
Thanks again Anne Linn. Your experience here and people’s comments made me decide to have it as my goal to really focus on my inner Divine Mother today. The more pronounced focus definitely helped, but the sleep and mechanicalness is strong and this mixed state within blocks me from really feeling that connection. There was a point though were I was determined to get out of it, with her help. And actually from that inner slur and darkness I learned some things on a deeper level and going against it helped me gain some strength.
Tomorrow, no tonight :-)!, I will do better.
That is wonderful Karim 🙂
Thank you very much Anne Linn for your beautiful and so touching article.
It’s remarkable that this tragedy with the loss of the members of your family doesn’t make you to lose your faith in Divine completely.
You were and you felt alone but you were internally protected with the love of your inner beings and I think your love to life made you to find a practic way to be more close to your divine parts.
Many times in my life I have seen that when I had a small spark of hope but I continued to pray for help, there I felt better and finally came the real help.
Many times when the things are not good with anxieties and difficulties which arising in my life, when I leave my mind to show me that there is no time and the things are so bad and there is no light then I feel the pain to cover me and I can’t react consciously but under an egoic situation that makes me think that firstly I am alone and secondly I cant overcome this situation.
But many times I have heard a voice to tell me that everything is going to be ok or don’t this or that you are going to make things worst and many times when I don’t listen to this wise voice the situation becomes worst.
So I realised that I have to change something inside of me and to listen and trust that inner voice or sense that guides me secretly.
Maybe these difficulties give us the chance to learn something new about ourselves and the others and turn us internally to find out the solution deeply inside of us.
Divine protect us and guide us with many ways but there is a need to turn inside to find out a way to connect with divine more with a simple and honesty way.
And after the storm becomes peace and we discovered again the miracle of life and the magic just to be in the present moment. Just to feel alive and grateful that we live and learn. And continue to feel the love inside and around of us and the beauty and light inside and around of us.
Thank you Anne Linn for your beautiful article and the others for your comments.
This is really helpful Eleni. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this beautiful comment. I feel a deep yearning to be able to hear and feel the inner guidance from the divine. But it’s difficult to be obedient. Sometimes I feel there is something very small that I should do, but I don’t want to. And there is also that doubt, that tells me I’m imagining it all. But seems the best thing to know is to follow that guidance and see what happens.
I also like that saying that life doesn’t happen to us, but for us. I feel perhaps that’s true, even when tragedy strikes. I guess there must be a hidden gift in everything.
Anne Linn I have seen many times obstacles from my egos and doubts from my mind which keep me stuck.
But I think that life is a motion, is a flow.
I have seen that the action is the best way for not feeling immobile internally.
Prayer and action until the moment not feeling that you are pressing yourself too much. Because too much presure drives you away from esoteric work.
I agree all have a reason to happen. Maybe to open your mind and your life to something new.
Your article was an inspiration for me.
Be well and protected.
“I feel she was healing my heart so I would be able to feel love and give love to others. And healing my fear that I wasn’t loved by the divine.”
Very beautiful!
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with your Divine Mother!
I think our Divine Parents can give an answer when we are in our difficult situation. Sometimes we don’t like their answer but we know it is truth.
A really beautiful journey Anne Linn. Thanks for sharing xx
Thanks so much for sharing Anne,When everything around you is falling apart having Divine Mothers love is unmistakable,
I can really relate to your experience as i am sure others here can to,thanks again.
Hi Anne Linn, thank you very much for sharing your connection with the Divine Mother. It’s inspiring to read how you were able to deepen and develop it, how you were able to grasp the light out of the darkness you were in.
Reading your story also reminded me how I approached prayer as a child. My family wasn’t particularly religious, we never prayed home. I had an idea that I shouldn’t bother God too much as he had more important things to do, so I would only pray when I felt a bit desperate (about a problem at school for example).
When I came across Belsebuub’s courses I was so surprised to hear that we all have these two spiritual parts – our Divine parents, and that I can always ask them for help. Of course, at that time I wasn’t sure if that was even true, but there was an advice to approach it with an open mind and if you don’t believe in these beings just say something like: “If there exists my Divine Mother, please help me with this and this”, and that’s what I did.
I was so surprised to ‘feel’ there is someone there, and it wasn’t just somewhere there, it was within me and around me, it was something deep and profound. I remember also thinking that if the Divine Mother is part of me then she can’t be really that strong (because look at me). But I discovered how the Divine Mother can be powerful in her help in overcoming both painful and pleasurable negative states, the way I was able to perceive her power depended a lot on how much I am working to become a better person. And I had a clear dream once where I saw how my divine parents were working tirelessly in my psychological mess, in very difficult conditions, for that same goal – inner change.
With time my initial timid prayers became more frequent as I could feel like I am really building up a relationship and not just asking.
I think learning about my Divine Mother and Father (and their role in doing a spiritual work) has been one of the most precious gifts from Belsebuub’s work, because it’s given me so much, has helped me to go through challenging situations and really not give up.
Oh yes, learning about my Divine Mother and Father also feels the most precious to me. And thank you for this beautiful sharing. I think I also worried about bothering God when I was a child, and I wanted to be very good and please him so he would help me. There was some fear there.
And I keep doubting the strength of my Divine Mother, and don’t ask for help enough and long enough. Sometimes it feels like those heavy emotions will never go. But I’m also surprised at her power when I ask her sincerely. That dream you had really touched me. They must be working very hard for us all the time. It can be easy to think they don’t feel suffering, but I’ve heard that the Divine Mother suffers a lot for us.
Thanks Pavlin.
I agree for me too that’s also the greatest gift I received from Belsebuub’s work. Opening me up to that connection and relation to my own divine parents.
I can relate to what you say about ‘feeling’ someone is there, you just know. Even though, especially at the start, my rational or let’s say particular acquired atheist-like paradigm was bringing up these fears and making me doubt. The “is it just my imagination?” sort of thing and switching back a little to that old state of mind sometimes. I mean you can’t show it or prove it and yet right now for me it is the realest thing there is.
The other points you raise, on their powers so to speak, I find very interesting and I know I’m not completely knowledgable on. For example my initial viewpoint was that they are all-powerful. But that’s maybe a very simplistic point of view. I had some dreams where I saw some sort of fallibility or something? what does that mean? Perhaps it’s showing the limits of their power to help us due to our own actions and circumstances. But such things are definitely beyond me.
On a similar note, it is very interesting how what we do also has relation to how much power the Divine Mother has to help us. Or rather those particular energies belonging to her that we use, how does that work? For example when I’m very low and in mixed inner states I feel the technique of elimination of ego’s has much less impact, compared to when I’m balanced and hermetic and then when an inner defect comes up, it can be struck down.
Thanks for sharing that dream as well where you saw that they were tirelessly working for you/our sake. What I’ve seen is that in this effort of our Being, it is most certainly I who is the bottleneck, the weak link 🙂 not properly doing my part. But I wish to do better and to work at higher and higher levels.
I agree Pavlin, Anne Linn and Karim – developing a genuine connection with my divine parents has been one of the most precious gifts that I gained through studying Belsebuub’s work and applying it to my daily life.
Thank you Anne Linn for sharing your beautiful and sensitive life story.. Talking about our Divine Mother is a subject that always touches me deeply and sometimes makes me want to cry. I don’t know where I would be without her love and guidance.
From a small child I had similar experiences with you, having a deep need to pray and talk with God and my Divine Mother in the way I felt it then, although my parents weren’t
at all religious. I used to pray every night before going to bed and waking up in the morning. Growing up, at difficult situations and when I had to make serious decisions in my life I liked to talk to Her and needed to ask for her advice.. Many times in my life, I could feel her presence near me, as you say, and understand clearly the guidance she is giving me through the sense of my heart and sometimes in my dreams. That’s how I entered Belsebuub’s courses, and gained so much help from the information he gave in his work that changed and gave sense to my life. There was a long time in my life during a serious problem I had to face, that I didn’t dare to look up and pray because I didn’t have the strength to act as She was showing me and consciously did completely the opposite. When timidly again I asked for help, I was so surprised she gave it to me at once. I then cried very deeply and believe deeply in my heart until now that there can’t be any one in the world that can love me more than my Divine Mother. The problem is that I forget her in daily life and forget to ask many times, causing me troubles and serious mistakes which usually I see afterwards and have to face their consequences, if only I looked inside and searched for her sings, she is always there.
It’s so lovely and sounds healing Ann Lin that you filled the emptiness and pain your family members left passing away, and felt you are loved, through your connection with your Divine Mother. It’s beautiful and precious.
Thank you everyone for sharing your comments and lovely stories.
Thanks Maria for sharing your experience with your Divine Mother, I hope that your connection we her will continue to grow.
“I then cried very deeply and believe deeply in my heart until now that there can’t be any one in the world that can love me more than my Divine Mother.”
I very much agree that no one can love us more than our Divine Mothers and also our Divine Fathers, and the many Divine Beings of our galaxy surly must love us just as much 🙂
Thanks for sharing Maria, it sounds like you’ve been through the kind of ‘tests of faith’ that create a strong bond with our inner mother. But like you say, it’s the remembering of this bond in daily life that’s the hard part!
Thank you, Maria, for sharing that. It was very beautiful to read. I remember talking with you about the Divine Mother, and it really touched me. I know what you mean about wanting to change, but not even having the strength to ask, and doing the opposite of what she would want. It feels very humbling to me that she keeps helping me. I think sometimes it can be hard to open enough to receive her help and love. It’s a bit scary somehow.
Wow Anne Linn! Thank you for sharing. I can only imagine how hard it was to grow up with so much loss and to come out of it with the spiritual. Your experience of connecting to the Divine Mother is an inspiration. It is amazing that you were able to connect to her as to someone walking beside you. I long very much for such moments.
Just as you say, I can see that the anger, feelings of being not loved or cared for, numbness, fascination, etc. put blocks in that connection, and in some ways close the heart. Although it is possible to live like this, it is an unhappy life. I am sad to admit that this is my default life, one that I come out of occasionally during prayer, perception, or conscious experiences such as you and others describe on this website.
Inspired by your post I took a break from writing this comment and focused on talking to the Divine Mother as I ate and went for a short walk. Although it was my goal I forgot about it many times and see that my mind is constantly pulled away from this communion. I found that the strongest pull is an emotion that brought with it a fascination in different things, as well as thoughts of what I want, as well as a general feeling of discontent. It took an effort every time to move away from this emotion and restart my communion with the Divine Mother. On a positive note I found it helpful to describe to my Divine Mother what I am going through, and what I am feeling and why I have such difficulty coming back to her. I found that doing things for those close to me (such as cleaning up something I thought was not my responsibility) also opened my heart and helped me with the praye!
Thank you for this post, and I hope you find the Divine Mother on a daily basis in your own life!
Thanks, Alex. Yes I’ve also noticed that actually talking to her makes her seem closer. I mean to explain things to her, even though I’m sure she already knows all of it. And that was beautiful, you cleaning something up even though it wasn’t your responsibility, and how it helped you. Thanks for that reminder.
Thank you for sharing your story, Anne Linn. I can just imagine what would feel like to lose so much in your life but on the other hand, I am very impressed with your will to live a life surrounded by the divine force and love despite what happened.There must be a lot of faith in you and also an understanding that we are with the divine permanently and that we are in this life just for a very short time, a life that is designed to teach us to rise to our real life – the eternity.
Thank you, Tina. Sometimes I wonder if my loss left an opening for the divine to enter. I mean I really needed something to lean on, and the divine seemed like the best choice 🙂
I think that’s probably very true Anne Linn – that the tragic circumstances of losing so many close family members within a fairly short space of time pushed you towards finding a more spiritual life.
Although I was fortunate to not suffer the same losses as you, I had some difficulties during my childhood and adolescence that I feel had the same effect of pushing me to look for something spiritual. I can relate a lot to what Belsebuub mentioned in a talk on his life story, where he says “I was in a way funnelled into spirituality from the difficulties of my upbringing and the life which followed”.
I think that’s a good summary Tina – “we are in this life just for a very short time, a life that is designed to teach us to rise to our real life – the eternity”.
Oh yes. I also feel I want to be in good standing with her. I know I do many things that are not what she want. I would love to honor her more and do her will. And yes, I do feel they have a great sense of humor 😀
Also I forgot to mention how nice it was to read that you felt like and decided to pray as a child. 🙂
Thanks Anne Linn for sincerely sharing some of your story.
I want to be close to her too. And to be in ‘good standing’ with her. I feel that when we go through hardship and stretch ourselves to turn to her it’ll become a magical and blessed thing. But just going through life without seeing the ego states within and turning them over to her, thus basically allowing them, just keeps my connection to her mediocre aka bad. I also want to pray and to feel that connection and warmth, and have a consistent overarching momentum, like that force is there with me in my life.
Despite trying to do a spiritual work I often feel ‘dead’ inside, in the spiritual sense, in the limits of what I can feel, in the minuteness of my perception. I know I need a lot of help and a lot of work needs be done with the divine mother to change this.
Anyway your story reminds me of the niceness the connection to our mother goddess can be like. Makes me want to try to find that in my prayers and practices as well.
The heart visualisations Ella mentions were something I also used to do. Looking back now I can see her presence in dreams and during the day then was much more there. Maybe it was also in part because at that time I was learning about her more, but I feel I need to get more of that again. The amount of time and energy I spend on that now is not sufficient.
“I feel she was healing my heart so I would be able to feel love and give love to others. And healing my fear that I wasn’t loved by the divine. “ Very beautiful Anne Linn. I’m glad you were able to find her at that time when you felt perhaps that sort of loneliness inside.
P.S. I also sometimes catch them laughing at me from up there. Probably because I am very silly at times 😀
At other times I’m laughing because they’ve shown me some really funny things in dreams, I wouldn’t be able to explain it to anyone because no one would get it, just me and them 🙂
Thank you Anne Linn, I felt very touched and inspired by your story.
You’ve really gone through some very difficult times in your life and I hope that your special connection to your Divine Mother continues to flourish.
I’d like to share that my nephew called me today and asked me whether I’d read your story since he had been so inspired by it, I now understand why.
Also he was able to email your experience to a friend of ours who’s been in a very difficult place after recently losing a young family member, followed by another traumatic event in his life.
Thank you for sharing that. It really touched me. Wishing your friend lots of healing and love.
I’m sorry to hear about your friend John. I also wish your friend a lot of healing and love.
It’s great that you were able to share Anne Linn’s account to your friend. I think it can sometimes help to hear the experiences of others who have shared our difficulties, as it can make us feel less alone.
Thank you for writing about things so personal Anne, it must have been hard. What you’ve been through already in your life really puts into perspective some of the smaller problems I may go through. Hearing about your connection with your Divine Mother was really touching actually.
Anne Linn, thank you for sharing your very personal life experiences and your journey with your Divine Mother.
Given the significant loses you have endured, and the ensuing numbness and darkness, your passion for life and the warmth and love you have for others (in sharing this and much more) is a true testimony to the power of the Divine Mother and your sincerity in building a connection with the divine.
Your description of that relationship sounds so beautiful. I know, many years ago, I was often able to pray from the heart to my Divine Parents, and it felt like a real conversation and that they were there and I could tell them anything… of course I still pray to them a lot, but I feel like that connection isn’t as open as it should be, and you’ve reminded me of what that openness can be like.
It is somehow very nice to just tell them things 🙂
Hi Anne, such a beautiful story of your journey with prayer and the connection with your divine mother. I too can relate to the dept of her love and how it has influenced your life for the better 🙂
Thanks for sharing, it was very inspiring to read.
Thanks, Chris. It’s beautiful that you’ve felt her love. Love really heals doesn’t it.
I mean, it’s beautiful that even from so much suffering that would be devastating I imagine you did not allow it to break you or lose your faith completely, but invited the Divine Mother into your life and dedicated your heart for her and she gave you so much in return.
I have that too. This fear that things will fall apart if I let go. I think she will teach us how to trust her. It would be a relief not to worry so much 🙂
I love this Anne Linn. It really inspires me to seek my Divine Mother and try to feel her presence, guidance and power more, to lean on her within myself.
I don’t really remember praying or thinking about God much when I was growing up. I think I felt that he or any other spiritual powers were far away and not really part of or related to my day to day life. So like you this was a revelation for me that we have this feminine higher power so close to us, with whom we can develop a personal relationship, who is there to help us with our problems and who ultimately can transform us. This was really amazing to me – to be able to talk to her like a friend and communicate with her and receive spiritual guidance and help as I had never imagined this could be possible before.
Sometimes though it seems she isn’t there and I’m alone, but I think it’s more that I’ve gone away from her and got buried in my low states, not that she left. I’ve noticed that I have to walk the half way to her, to seek to be clear and ask and search for her, to live my life in a way that honours her to be able to feel her more and connect with her, and not just allow myself to be buried in my problems and passively wait for her to come rescue me. Although sometimes she’s done that too, I think out of mercy and love.
For example, there was a time when I felt a lot of anxiety about something. One night I was visiting friends and these feelings became quite strong, and I decided to go out to get some fresh air, even if it was a little dark. I walked some way on a path and was pleading to my Divine Mother to help me. I knelt down on the ground, or more like squatted down as it was a little wet, and suddenly I distinctly felt the Divine Mother telling me that it was going to be ok, and I felt at peace. The issue eventually was ok too. This happened also with some other things I had a lot of anxiety about – she would tell me it’s going to be ok and put me at peace with it, even when I wasn’t dealing with the anxiety very well.
It’s really beautiful how from this immense pain you went through you found such a healing and loving relationship with your Divine Mother, who helped you to start getting over the trauma and be able to love again, how you had so much faith in her and demonstrated your love for her, that she came so close to you. It’s this innocent hope, faith and trust in her that I want to develop too. I can either go into the dark direction my egos want me to go, which is really a dead end or a path to even more pain, or look to her instead and seek understanding, peace and freedom.
Thanks Laura for sharing that moment with her. When you felt her so closely. I’ve also often felt that she isn’t there. One time I was struggling really hard to be able to feel her presence and bring her closer to me. And I got the feeling that I should just quietly trust instead. Like she was telling me “You know I’m already right here.”
That’s so beautiful Anne Linn. It’s difficult to trust her, especially when things seem to go wrong in our lives. Like if I let go and trust, everything will fall apart. But I think this is the most important time to have faith and be extra perceptive and observant and humble and ask for more faith and help to understand how I need to change myself and my life for the better. Thanks for the comment 🙂
Thank you for your beautifully written testimony on how a relationship with your Divine Mother has impacted your life Anne Linn, and like you said, ‘turned it around.’ The tender times of closeness you describe really resonate with me and inspire a longing to develop my relationship with her. It was also quite a revelation for me to be introduced to my own, personal ‘divine mother’ when I came across the theory and practise that Belsebuub gives for spiritual development.
Your experience under your alter to her sounds profound and the kind that etches this work into our hearts.
Like you, I wasn’t taught how to pray, it just kind of came from within me at first. At times I also felt there was this presence that enfolded me in love and forgiveness and acceptance. I didn’t feel drawn to praying to this stern, bearded man in the sky, but rather connected to teachings that offered more of a feminine force that I felt naturally closer to – eastern religions and nature based religions. I knew I had an inner guide, I could feel it. But it was through the practises of Belsebuub’s work that I ‘formally introduced’ me to my Divine Mother, and it’s something that’s quite beyond words.
In particular I have got a lot from imagining a temple in my heart, where I can go and speak to her. Similarly, as seeing her within a beautiful forest in my heart. There was a time that I was doing this practise regularly that it became so vivid it started to feel like a ‘real’ place. I imagine that through my efforts I simply started to feel the reality of this place that always has existed, but that I’ve not known how to get to before.
I like how you describe the way her support and presence can be felt in different ways – like a knowing smile that tells you not to worry, a strengthening hand on your back, a loving mother to go home to and confess all to when you’ve struggled outside in the world … also how, as well as being a loving and supportive force, she’s a powerful force that can help us break through anxiety and other crippling emotions.
I can’t imagine the pain you must have gone through loosing so many close family members, and I’m only glad to know you found a relationship with your Divine Mother, and as part of the context of awakening of Belsebuub’s work. It must have been truly heartbreaking, and I know from my own life that nothing is more healing than the love from of our Being and of the divine, and cultivating our love for them/it.
Thanks for sharing those beautiful things Ella 🙂 It makes me want to do the heart practice more.
Thanks very much for sharing this beautiful account of connecting with your divine mother Anne Linn. I’m sorry you had to lose so many close relatives in quick succession and I can understand how this sense of loss and abandonment would lead someone to feel that the divine are not real, or don’t really care about us.
It’s wonderful that you were able to transform that feeling of emptiness into a desire to search for spirituality and to finally to connect with your divine mother in a very real sense. It’s a relationship that can take time to develop, but I feel it’s one of the most important relationships that we can have in our lives. Unfortunately, people come and go, including those who are closest to us, sometimes unexpectedly. But I feel that when we create a connection with the divine, it’s a relationship that we can depend upon to always be there. It’s comforting to know that there is always someone there to support, guide and listen to us, without fear of judgement and to provide us with the unconditional love that a mother shows to her child.
Thanks Michael. Yes it feels very precious this relationship with our divine parents. Like you said, to have someone who will always be there for us is wonderful.
Thanks for sharing your experience Anne linn, it sounds very precious to you the connection you’ve developed with your divine mother, very special!
Thank you so much for your very touching story, and how you got closer to your Divine Mother, I also found when I prayed intensely when I had so many problems anxiety and stress and difficult times, How my Divine Mother helped me so much and in the end I got such clarity and understanding and Peace from doing so.