Not Just Black or White
One night while I was out of my body and flying over a beautiful green valley with a river flowing through it, I asked my Divine Mother why I never saw her, and if we could meet.
I landed on the grassy plain below and she manifested a part of herself as a beautiful woman who met me there. She was African and had the dark skin of a native of that land. We spoke for some time before I ended up waking up in my body.
There was a part of me that was surprised that she decided to manifest herself to me in such a way, as I’m Caucasian. But as I reflected on this experience and others I’ve had, many things fell into place.
Some time after the experience with my African Divine Mother, I had another conscious experience in the astral plane where I observed a hearse which traveled along in a suburban environment. Actually I floated above the hearse, but traveled along with it.
It pulled into a parking lot which was full of African Americans who were gathered and dressed in their Sunday best. They parted to let the hearse pass and looked on. The destination was a church. From the cut of their clothes, the cars I could see, it seemed this took place sometime in the 50’s or early 60’s in the U.S.
While at first I thought it was a peculiar experience, with time and other experiences I came to understand, I had been watching my own funeral.
By showing herself as African that day, my Divine Mother gave me a clue that helped me put together an understanding of a recent past life which gave me a bigger picture of myself. I even gained a sense of the personality of that former self, what they thought was important and how they lived their life.
It was something that took a number of years to unfold and a number of different experiences. But it has given me a lot of encouragement and made me live my day to day life with more meaning.
A Mirror of Past Lives
One early morning lying in bed next to my wife I came out of my body after practicing a technique for astral projection I had learned from Belsebuub. As I came out of my body into our bedroom I felt like I couldn’t travel very far.
I had an intuition that I was going to wake up (in the physical) easily and I had better try to learn something quickly. So I asked my Divine Mother “Mother, please bring a teaching here for me so I can use the short time I have.”
Suddenly, next to my dresser appeared a full length mirror. In it I saw myself reflected for an instant and then the reflection changed and a strange man in different clothes appeared. I had just a moment to wonder who this could be and then the reflection changed again, this time the fellow which looked back at me was dressed in period clothing from the somewhere around the 17th century.
Then again the mirror changed and there was an Indian man, dressed for the hot climate of India.
This cycle of changing images continued. Each cycle a person from a different time and place looked back at me from the mirror before it changed once more.
The attire and race of each individual I could generally place from my knowledge of history and culture, but then I began to see representations for which I had no historical context.
Clothing which was completely strange and unknown to me and of people who seemed to look dressed out of a fantasy or sci-fi.
I felt the pull of my physical body and I tried to stay watching the images change, trying to remember as much as I could but I was sucked back to my body.
As I woke up I had a deep feeling in my heart. Each of those persons I had seen in the mirror had been myself, my consciousness or my soul incarnated in another lifetime.
As the images changed, each time I looked at the person there in the mirror, I looked into their eyes and I was looking into myself. It was a haunting feeling.
This experience probably took less than a minute to occur, but it had a strong effect.
I felt a swelling urge from deep within me which I could summarize in some way with I want to know who these people were! I want to know who I am! I want to know my own story! Suddenly I felt the responsibility to figure out what’s really going on, to break through the mystery of life and death.
It was not just for my self (my current life’s self) but for all the past selves which I have been and which are now strangers, waiting for me to discover them.
The Origin of an Ego
I had been struggling for some time to determine the root cause of a certain ego. My meditations in the day time and self-observation needed more help and so I decided to try to research this inner state in the astral.
At the next opportunity when I found myself out of my body, I asked my Divine Mother to teach me about the root of this inner state. I was taken flying for some time and arrived at a quaint house were I was warmly welcomed.
I was taken upstairs by my guide and shown to a baby’s room. It was nicely painted in bright colors and a white crib was in the center. I went to the edge and peered in to see a beautiful baby wrapped in fresh linens. It was a perfect picture of the ideals of innocence and beauty. But then I felt an awful presence and I looked across to see a gremlin like creature crawling over the edge into the crib.
It was a malevolent hideous little entity and it was made more awful in its juxtaposition with the beauty and purity of the child. The gremlin’s attention was on the baby but when it saw me it switched its attention to me and leapt at my face. It happened so fast that I woke up quickly with a shot of fear.
I had studied this ego and failed to see its origin. As long as I had known myself, I had known this ego as part of me. Indeed it had always been so. My Divine Mother showed me how the egos enter into a child when they are very young, as they actually exist previous to this life and have roots in former incarnations.
As Belsebuub describes in Secret Knowledge, Hidden Wisdom, “As the baby grows, its personality develops and the egos are gradually able to manifest themselves. The egos return from the fifth dimension, hovering around the child, sometimes making it cry… One by one they incorporate until the personality is fully formed at the age of seven when all of them have returned.”
This theory had generally made sense to me. I had experienced seeing the egos as separate entities in the astral, but it was important and helpful for me to learn about this particular ego and its origin in this way.
What an amazing set of wonderful experiences. Thank you, Andrew, for sharing all these.
In the past, I had some clear dreams about a few previous lives that they had a certain influence and impact upon to me because they showed to me some certain egos. But when they come from conscious astral experiences the meaning is more clear.
What an intriguing set of experiences, Andrew. I can relate a lot to wanting to know who I am and kind of my story, as you put it. Thanks for the share.
Amazing experiences Andrew! Thank you for sharing them.
What you said about watching yourself in different incarnations remind me this part of a movie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3FOcE2ZV1M
At your case, it’s great that you gained some insights instead of just staying with the mouth open… 🙂
LOL! Funny movie. I haven’t seen it. I’ll look it up. The comical way it’s represented isn’t much of a similar experience.
Thank you so much for sharing this Andrew. It must have been incredible to see glimpses of yourself across time and to have the longing to get to know the entirety of your ‘story’ stirred up inside you, something that is a magic ingredient in the struggle to awaken and to ‘remember’.
I really enjoyed reading about the process of learning and understanding that you went through with your divine mother, (and of meeting her) slowly reaching new insights and threading them all together. That sense of being fed hints, clues and encouragement from within is quite extraordinary, and how it can play out in a series of events and experiences that lead to a greater understanding.
It must have also been a powerful thing to see the immense contrast between the new born babe and the sinister gremlin. The explaination from Belsebuub about the development of the psyche has always made sense in logical and intuitive ways to me, but it’s ideal to have first-hand contact with the knowledge – it penetrates you much more deeply when so.
I tried a meditation for a period of staring into my own eyes in a mirror with only candle light, hoping for the vision to transition to something beyond my personality and life now. It did leave me of something of a feeling of connectedness to the vastness of my existence, and to all these different ‘me’s’, whole long lives, gone in a flash, so many deaths, births, loved ones, and this thread of looking for enlightenment.
I’ve enjoyed short mirror meditations like the one you’ve mentioned (without the candle) every once in a while. Just trying to look into my own eyes, with pure awareness, no judgement, and trying to be as clear of egos as possible. Thanks for sharing your experience with it Ella. I think I’ll try it again soon, this time with a candle.
The candle is just to provide soft light – it should be out of the reflection of the mirror, but whatever works for you!
Yes I’ve found it a helpful way to kind of ‘face myself’ before.
What an amazing set of experiences Andrew! It must have shaken you to the core to have seen one of your previous funerals..! But in a good way thought, as it must also have felt so precious to see it and gain such insights. How interesting too that you got to see like a ‘diaporama’ of selves, ending with that ego being shown all the way back to childhood. That was really inspiring and motivating to read, so thanks a lot for sharing.
An amazing set of experiences. Reading the post I could feel a sense of wonder at what’s possible to discover. I was particularly inspired by your interest in studying the particular ego, because it takes a dedication to be able to remember the study in the astral and ask for help with it. Thanks for sharing.
Such amazing experiences Andrew. It must have been so beautiful to meet your Divine Mother and to talk with her. And also to see yourself from past lives. To look into your own eyes and recognize yourself, even if you looked very different. I wonder, though, did you look similar to yourself somehow, even though you had different skin color, clothes, etc? Did your face look the similar, your height, etc?
Past lives are very interesting to me. Sometimes I think I’ve gotten glimpses in dreams about them, but can’t say for sure. It’s something I’d like to investigate.
Also liked the experience with the baby. How pure and beautiful it was, and then that ugly thing that came to merge with it. It makes me sad. And makes me feel how trapped we are by something very ugly. I have this vague memory of something coming through the wall of my bedroom when I was very young, still in kindergarten. And how I felt different the other day, more fearful.
I didn’t see any clear similarities in looks when I saw them in the mirror. Perhaps a tendency at being tall and slender. I was surprised though that I can’t remember seeing myself clearly as a woman and that most, if not all the figures were male.
Thank you for sharing about this Andrew. I have often wondered if we change sex when we return again and again, or not. Some people, usually children who remember their past lives, mention being of a different sex before (like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ESrd3mMop0), so it is hard to say… Sometimes I wonder what kind of a man I would be, and its funny to think about it that way. 😀
Ahaha!! I wondered the same thing after I read through this experience, Lucia. “What kind of a man would I be?” For some reason, it’s an amusing thought.
That’s interesting Andrew. I wonder why that is. I’ve often pondered on why I’m a woman in this life, what that means for the distinct lessons I am to learn through the different experience…
That’s incredible that you have a memory of an ego attaching to you Anne Linn.
What an extraordinary set of experiences Andrew! It really drives home how astral projection can help us understand who we are and who we have been. Seeing all these different personalities much have spurred some reflections 🙂 We can read about the incredible experiences Belsebuub has gone through on this biography page, but the fact that they are within reach for us all if we make the efforts makes them a little more attainable, especially after reading yours.
I too believe that our past goes way back into history to times we don’t know much about. In multiple experiences I’ve had I was surrounded by people that looked nothing like I’ve ever seen before. Even stranger was the language we all spoke. In those dreams, I was speaking a totally different language, one that sounded very old and I could not relate it to any I’ve heard of before. After waking up I felt surprised and wondered what that was about.
That sounds very cool Roy about that different language.
Thanks Roy. I’ve found reading others experiences here quite inspiring too. Thats a very cool set of experiences with this other culture/race/time. I would love to hear that language 🙂 These types of experiences just put such a different lens on daily life. They can make our own lives seem so small and insignificant and they can really help break out of the mundane and live more awake. Like tomorrow when I go to my co-work space to do design work and meet with clients, if I can manage keep the magnitude and mystery of my past present in my mind, I know it can help me to stay in self-awareness and not fall into forgetfulness. Then the challenge is to sustain that..
That’s interesting about the different language Roy. I wonder if you’ll find out what region or era it belongs to.
Interesting Roy! That must have been quite inspiring. Makes me think of the strange phenomena of people waking up from a ‘bump on the head’ fluent in a language they’ve never spoken! I wonder if it’s even happened that someone started speaking a language that’s not even on the planet! They’d probably be taken for just mentally troubled even if it did happen…
I am glad you have shared these experiences with us. I think that the understanding of our past lives can teach us a lot. For example, as you mentioned, to learn about those persistent egos that we just cannot understand the workings of. It has been very useful for me to get some information about my past life ego that is still a big one but knowing that it helped me to watch it with a different set of eyes.
Tina, I definitely agree how useful it is to see things in a new set of eyes and it seems to me past life information seems to be easier to get access to when it’s knowledge can be applied to whatever we are currently working on internally.
Thanks for sharing Andrew,
It really is amazing how Belsebuubs teachings and practices work so well which your experience clearly shows,there is nothing like getting help and guidance in the astral.
The way you get help from your Divine Mother makes it seem like you’re really doing something right. Being a good child. Or perhaps your relationship or faith in her is strong. Nice to read about.
Did you find, from what you could see, that your previous personalities/life goals were very similar to your current one?
That urge to know who we are feels familiar…. And in a similar vain for me the wanting to finally become who I am again.
The experience of the baby and the monster, I could just imagine that feeling when it goes over the edge…. and into the cot of defenseless innocence.
Your article also reminds me, with your African Divine Mother, of those strong dream experience that seem really important, but because I don’t understand them they are left by the wayside, don’t amount to anything and are then simply lost in the past. Yet your example of making the effort to connect the dots led to something very meaningful, that could’ve easily been missed out on as well.
P.S. it wasn’t hard for me to imagine you in that Indian style of clothing in a past life, similar to that image 😀
Karim, These three experiences happened over a period of years, so perhaps listing them all back to back makes it seem I am getting all this help 🙂
From what I learned of my most recent past life, my life goals were very similar. So much so that it highlights the importance of having exposure to esoteric teachings.
My first experience really did come together over a long period time through many dreams and astral experiences to get this bigger picture (along with ‘feelings’ from the physical). So yeah, I see a lot of value in trying to understand those hard to place dreams/experiences which you just can’t make sense of.
Peace & Strength to you on your journey to becoming who you really are Karim.
Thanks Andrew. 🙂
I think past lives for any person is an interesting topic (such as those cases children with memories of as a pilot in a WWII plane etc.) But to me past lives and history of people who’ve got the understanding to take up this spiritual work seem to be particularly interesting to consider. Whose knows what esoteric schools or spiritual societies in their heyday someone was part of in the past? Egypt? The Americas? other unknown movements whose history has been lost? Ancient Sumer? India? Atlantis? Other planets?
On a (slightly) related note. I was once thinking what my ideal situation to be in would be? After considering it seriously strangely I came to the conclusion that where I am now, here on Earth at this time, is exactly where I want to be (or let’s say the best place.) The two main reasons were something like: if I want Light then this seems to be the best place to extract it with so much darkness around internally and externally. Not easy, but the potential for gain, in wisdom and strength, in the revolution of consciousness is great. The other reason was: if I want to help others in the most serious way, I can’t think of a place and time that needs it more direly that right here right now. On top of that I’ve been gifted to find the living teaching that Belsebuub gives.
But it needs a great action to turn the current situation into the potential ideal scenario that it can be.
Thanks for sharing that Andrew, I really enjoyed reading it.
Hi Andrew, what an amazing series of revelations about your past! I read it like a movie that you can’t stop watching. 🙂 I imagine that life of each and every one of us could be put in a fantastic movie, if we only managed to unburry our ancient past and former lives…
I find it especially incredible how much help your Divine Mother has provided you with. And even the way she did it in that case of your African past – making you put in your own efforts to put the pieces of the puzzle together and figure things out on your own over time. This shows so much care, to teach you to be active and understand thyings partly on your own, partly with her help.
The “mirror slideshow” experience sounded like a total gift to me – how fortunate you are! It was intriguing what you said about te “sci-fi” costumes, and made me think of several possibilities, including your possible lives on other planets, or maybe even in a different “Yuga” – the time period when people were more advanced.
I can not say I experienced any clear indications of my past lives, and can only recall 2 experiences that could possibly allude to something like that, but they were not very clear which makes me question their authenticity. I can imagine it would be very interesting to be put into my “past character” – to feel what that person felt, to understand my reactions and so on. From this point of view, it must have been very thrilling for you to look into the eyes of the characters that once were you through that mirror… So much knowledge to unburry!
This actually reminded me a sentiment I had some months ago. I remember a deep sadness/restlessness that I can not know who I was. I felt there was this Being the glimpses of which I can catch here and there, and yet it can not reach through to me. I felt like I had the right to know who I was at last!
Thanks again for sharing and wishing you many more profound revelations!
P.S.: That illustrational image is wonderful by the way – looking just like one would imagine a past life character. 😀
I also found the way the help was given very much ‘in the style of the divine.’ Presenting something that can lead to more, yet asking for efforts on the aspirant’s part as well. etc.
Yes, I also find the point where the reflections went beyond historical reference intriguing!
Lucia, I totally agree with you! I think everyone of us could have our lives put together into a powerful movie experience. A moving motion picture of life, love, loss, death, karma & dharma. All the real foundational elements of human experience! I’d watch a movie like that for sure 🙂
There is SOO much to unbury. To sincerely question my past fills me with awe of the mystery of life which almost overwhelms me sometimes and generates that sense of wonder, questioning which I can leverage as strength in the day to day. The mirror experience was definitely a gift I am very grateful for.
The pictures were actually put together by the editors! They did a wonderful job, and captured the character well.
Some amazing experiences Andrew thanks for sharing, it must be quite daunting to see the egos like that in the raw form something so terrible trying to enter something so pure like a baby, a great motivation to work on the egos
That’s an amazing experience, both about seeing your Divine Mother manifest like that, and seeing the gremlin crawling into the crib. Thanks so much for that. It’s quite inspiring.
How fascinating. Thanks for sharing.
It’s very tragic to think of all the division and discord based on race, culture, national identity, etc. when you consider an experience like this and what it reveals.
That really came home to me too Justin. Looking at how charged race relations are within the U.S. (even prior to D.T. getting into the Whitehouse) and the world at large really, it’s so sad that the world is blind to this type of understanding. I’ll be an optimist and hope that maybe the experience above might help someone in some way to break down prejudice.
I totally agree Justin. An understanding of reincarnation could help dissolve any feelings of racial divisions between people.
Yes, as well as the equality between sexes.
Beyond valuing the distinct traits of each sex (“Equal, but not the same” as my mom used to say.) If I consider that I could reincarnate as a women in my next life, wouldn’t that still be ‘me/my consciousness’? Then any notions of superiority or whatever just become completely foolish.
Andrew, those are some incredible experiences. Thank you for sharing these!
Looking into a mirror and seeing your past lives – that experience really struck me. It’s profound to consider how ancient our personal history is and who we may have been in the past. it also highlights how precious this inner work is: who knows how many of our past incarnations knew about the work and if we will again, in another life… Our time now is truly precious.
How terrible that the beauty and innocence of consciousness is obstructed by the ugliness of egos. That really gives quite the perspective on what it is we are fighting against (and the purity we are fighting for).
Mike, Yes that experience made a really big impact on me. It’s just stretched the great unknown out before me in a way which really fired me up spiritually. The most impactful though was the haunting feeling of looking into a strangers eyes and looking into your own soul/consciousness at the same time. It rocked me.
Yes, I can imagine that must have been a pretty intense experience Andrew.
Incredible experiences Andrew, full of wonder, thank you for sharing that with us!
There’s quite a bit to take in from your account, will read again tomorrow. 🙂
I found your article fascinating to read Andrew! Thanks for sharing those astral experiences of past lives. I’ve never had any past life experiences that I can recall, but there are certain locations which I feel a strong connection with. It’s interesting you mentioned your astral experience with your divine mother in Africa, as I also feel some kind of affinity with the African continent, even though I’ve never visited any of its countries. Similarly, when I see footage of the Australian outback, I get a feeling of being “home”, even though I’ve never visited it in this life. Logically, this makes no sense, but I got the same feeling when I travelled through the desert in another country.
It’s funny, as my own country has some beautiful woodlands etc., but I feel much more at home in barren, rugged landscapes (even though I would almost certainly lack the necessary skills to live in such an area in the long-term!) I also have some strong feelings about some of the things that I may have done in past lives, even though I have absolutely no proof of this currently.
I find the subject of past lives such an amazing and thought-provoking area to explore. I’d be so interested to gain some practical experience of my own past lives, in order to verify whether the pulls I have towards certain places and lifestyles have a factual historical basis to them.
I feel the same, Michael. Some places feel very much like home to me, even though I’ve never lived there. And I also have this sense of things I’ve been doing in past lives, but I don’t know if that feeling is true or not. It would be great to investigate this.
….And just a random thing that I remember now from my childhood. I had a short period of time when I was terrified of dying in a fire. I would not go to bed until I had checked that everything was ok, that nothing could catch fire, and even then I was scared. I was sure I would die, and woke up the next morning surprised I was still alive. I think it lasted for a week, and then the fear just disappeared….Just wonder if it could have related to a past life when I died in a fire? Would be interesting to know 😮
That’s interesting Anne Linn – I wonder if that fear did indeed stem from a past life. Presumably you hadn’t seen something similar on a movie or TV that could have triggered it? It’s strange that the fear became so strong, but diminished after a short space of time.
On the topic of childhood fears, as a child I had a very strong fear of evil, darkness, horror movies etc. This may have been partly due to a religious upbringing, but I wonder if there was an aspect of my essence being repelled by sinister things, as it knew that those things were opposed to the light.
Fortunately, finding Belsebuub’s work has reduced these fears a lot, as I feel much better equipped to deal with sinister influences. However, I also remember him warning in one of his talks against becoming complacent about the need to be on guard against darkness and its influences.
Michael, It’s interesting you mention that, because besides the astral experiences I shared about a past life as an african american, I also always had a certain ‘feeling’ similar to you. I remember as a kid, I always wanted to have a friend who was african american. It wasn’t because I thought it would make me cool (to have a black friend) but it was just something I felt I needed. Growing up where I did, there were very few dark skinned people and I always felt this was a bit of a shame. Also, as my Mom became pregnant with me, she made friends with a very nice black lady name Flo’. When I was born Flo took care of me often as a baby sitter and she was so fond of me and I always felt entirely comfortable with her. We bonded very strongly and I went to visit her 30+ years later and we had a great time. I suppose, there was always an affinity which just seemed more than what could be considered usual.
I think your feelings of home in the desert or arid places are a very valid clue for you. All the best uncovering some of your past!