Being born and raised as a Catholic, it was in my teenage years when I began question the idea generally accepted by Christians at large that you are born, live, die and then go to either heaven or hell.
This simple linear perspective left me feeling that something was missing and I felt that just a single chance at life seemed plain unfair and that this couldn’t be all that there was to life.
It wasn’t until I learned to travel out of my body in a course designed by Belsebuub, that I was able to have some substantive personal experience which helped me glean precious information about my own past and the nature of reincarnation.
Not Just Black or White
One night while I was out of my body and flying over a beautiful green valley with a river flowing through it, I asked my Divine Mother why I never saw her, and if we could meet.
I landed on the grassy plain below and she manifested a part of herself as a beautiful woman who met me there. She was African and had the dark skin of a native of that land. We spoke for some time before I ended up waking up in my body.
There was a part of me that was surprised that she decided to manifest herself to me in such a way, as I’m Caucasian. But as I reflected on this experience and others I’ve had, many things fell into place.
Some time after the experience with my African Divine Mother, I had another conscious experience in the astral plane where I observed a hearse which traveled along in a suburban environment. Actually I floated above the hearse, but traveled along with it.
It pulled into a parking lot which was full of African Americans who were gathered and dressed in their Sunday best. They parted to let the hearse pass and looked on. The destination was a church. From the cut of their clothes, the cars I could see, it seemed this took place sometime in the 50’s or early 60’s in the U.S.
While at first I thought it was a peculiar experience, with time and other experiences I came to understand, I had been watching my own funeral.
By showing herself as African that day, my Divine Mother gave me a clue that helped me put together an understanding of a recent past life which gave me a bigger picture of myself. I even gained a sense of the personality of that former self, what they thought was important and how they lived their life.
It was something that took a number of years to unfold and a number of different experiences. But it has given me a lot of encouragement and made me live my day to day life with more meaning.
A Mirror of Past Lives
One early morning lying in bed next to my wife I came out of my body after practicing a technique for astral projection I had learned from Belsebuub. As I came out of my body into our bedroom I felt like I couldn’t travel very far.
I had an intuition that I was going to wake up (in the physical) easily and I had better try to learn something quickly. So I asked my Divine Mother “Mother, please bring a teaching here for me so I can use the short time I have.”
Suddenly, next to my dresser appeared a full length mirror. In it I saw myself reflected for an instant and then the reflection changed and a strange man in different clothes appeared. I had just a moment to wonder who this could be and then the reflection changed again, this time the fellow which looked back at me was dressed in period clothing from the somewhere around the 17th century.
Then again the mirror changed and there was an Indian man, dressed for the hot climate of India.
This cycle of changing images continued. Each cycle a person from a different time and place looked back at me from the mirror before it changed once more.
The attire and race of each individual I could generally place from my knowledge of history and culture, but then I began to see representations for which I had no historical context.
Clothing which was completely strange and unknown to me and of people whom seemed to look dressed out of a fantasy or sci-fi.
I felt the pull of my physical body and I tried to stay watching the images change, trying to remember as much as I could but I was sucked back to my body.
As I woke up I had a deep feeling in my heart. Each of those persons I had seen in the mirror had been myself, my consciousness or my soul incarnated in another lifetime.
As the images changed, each time I looked at the person there in the mirror, I looked into their eyes and I was looking into myself. It was a haunting feeling.
This experience probably took less than a minute to occur, but it had a strong effect.
I felt a swelling urge from deep within me which I could summarize in some way with I want to know who these people were! I want to know who I am! I want to know my own story! Suddenly I felt the responsibility to figure out what’s really going on, to break through the mystery of life and death.
It was not just for my self (my current life’s self) but for all the past selves which I have been and which are now strangers, waiting for me to discover them.
The Origin of an Ego
I had been struggling for some time to determine the root cause of a certain ego. My meditations in the day time and self-observation needed more help and so I decided to try to research this inner state in the astral.
At the next opportunity when I found myself out of my body, I asked my Divine Mother to teach me about the root of this inner state.. I was taken flying for some time and arrived at a quaint house were I was warmly welcomed.
I was taken upstairs by my guide and shown to a baby’s room. It was nicely painted in bright colors and a white crib was in the center. I went to the edge and peered in to see a beautiful baby wrapped in fresh linens. It was a perfect picture of the ideals of innocence and beauty. But then I felt an awful presence and I looked across to see a gremlin like creature crawling over the edge into the crib.
It was a malevolent hideous little entity and it was made more awful in its juxtaposition with the beauty and purity of the child. The gremlin’s attention was on the baby but when it saw me it switched its attention to me and leapt at my face. It happened so fast that I woke up quickly with a shot of fear.
I had studied this ego and failed to see its origin. As long as I had known myself, I had known this ego as part of me. Indeed it had always been so. My Divine Mother showed me how the egos enter into a child when they are very young, as they actually exist previous to this life and have roots in former incarnations.
As Belsebuub describes in Secret Knowledge, Hidden Wisdom, “As the baby grows, its personality develops and the egos are gradually able to manifest themselves. The egos return from the fifth dimension, hovering around the child, sometimes making it cry… One by one they incorporate until the personality is fully formed at the age of seven when all of them have returned.”
This theory had generally made sense to me. I had experienced seeing the egos as separate entities in the astral, but it was important and helpful for me to learn about this particular ego and its origin in this way.