I’ve found that meditating on an inner state or situation has been a great way to gain self-knowledge or receive guidance. It has helped me to deepen my understanding of a certain feeling, emotion, or a situation that has often felt beyond me.
I first came across the meditation on an ego practice through the work of Belsebuub on one of his courses.
I found that through asking for help from my divine mother during the practice, I received a lot of guidance about the technique, inner state or the situation I was studying. So in that way this technique became a very useful tool for me in receiving self-knowledge and guidance.
A Difficult Situation
I have found that insights can come in ways you don’t always expect, especially when there is a sincere asking and longing for it. Belsebuub has mentioned this numerous times and even dedicated two talks on the subject.
At work things were going badly since our department was about to close down except for a few positions. Everyone’s job was on the line including mine. A colleague tipped me off about an open position outside of the company with fairly good career prospects, so I went for it.
The interview process was pretty thorough. Nevertheless, I tried and passed the first interview with a good feeling. I was invited for a second interview which was challenging, but soon after I received a call to join an online conference to meet the owner for the third one. That went well too and I found myself with a job offer to sign within the next 15 days.
Although I was glad, something did not feel quite right. I wasn’t sure why I felt strange about the outcome and after making a pro and con list, things still felt odd despite the good prospects of the new job. I quit my current job and had two weeks left in the company.
However, that did not change my gut feeling about the situation I was in. I did several meditation on an ego practices to gain insights on the various inner states that came up in the interview process, and about my current job situation, and the doubts related to it.
Receiving Guidance during a Meditation
One morning before work, I set aside time for a meditation. My mind was still fairly quiet from the night and I managed to get into a very relaxing and clear state. In front of my eyes, I visualized both situations. First, I placed myself in the situation of my current job and watched which feelings and thoughts related to it came up.
When my mind was still again, I would just watch the scenes before me and learn from them by observing objectively. I did the same for the new job as far as I could visualize the new workplace based on the people I’ve met and the tour through the building. I got some glimpses here and there, although I was longing for more guidance.
I cleared my mind, focused on my heart and appealed to my divine mother again for guidance. I kept asking, which I followed by a quiet moment to hear her answer. I wanted to know which situation would be best for my learning and I wanted to understand my doubts. It looked like the practice wasn’t going anywhere, but I kept persisting.
I asked again if my divine mother would have a preference between these two situations and which one would be the most beneficial to my inner work.
I was astounded to hear in the next moment a soft voice with an overwhelming sweetness say “Maybe keep your current one?” I was in awe of what just happened but soon after my mind started to react to the suggestion and came up with many excuses why this would not be good for my career. The way my mind spoke was very forceful and demanding compared to the voice I heard that made the suggestion. I felt I needed to trust the answer I was given.
This led me to taking back my old job and rejecting the job offer. From that day on at work, thoughts or feelings related this choice would often come up. They were complaining about my choice and the current situation as due to the reorganization things were quite messy at the workplace.
Nevertheless, they were similar to the forceful thoughts and feelings in my meditation and I used the technique to eliminate the ego to get rid of them. I had trust in the guidance I received from within, even though it did not make full sense to me at the time. At least I felt this was the right thing to do and the right situation to be in for my own inner learning.
Only a few years later things became clearer as to why this choice turned out to be the better one. I was given a lot of personal learning opportunities by making this choice.
Over time my manager, myself, and another colleague turned a team in chaos into a well-established department. Also several things opened up that I had not expected to be possible. All of a sudden I was able to switch to a new job within the company which also made it possible to work remotely. I was even allowed to move to a different branch in another country when I asked and eventually did.
Looking back at that choice, I think it was one of the most unexpected ones I’ve made. It was a challenging circumstance that helped me a lot in understanding myself better.
Regardless of the mess at work, it was exactly what I needed personally as it was an ideal environment to learn about persevering through negativity and other lower states.
However, the most surprising thing to me is that I was guided in this direction with the help of my own divine mother through the practice of meditation in a way that still amazes me.